 I sometimes hurt in my whole body when I see the atrocities that that happen to animals. It’s slavery, abuse, crimes against nature and we must stop it! - pauliepaul 
0 Comments
Door Ring Ring
Dad what are you doing here? Mum with you? Dad : No Dick, this is man's work, she's installing a body temperature stat - Oh yes your working near here... Dad : Never mind that, has the trumpet sawing continued? No it's gone quiet, but the man upstairs is away on the continent... Dad : Ok it fits, now listen...I made a few calls to my old mates in intelligence about this trumpet sawing in half business and well...you should read this dossier on what was the most horrible slaying of people with a musical instrument in recent memory... Dad are you... Dad : Don't say another word, and don't tell your mum - god bless you son, and for god sake be careful! But Dad..... (he's gone..).(under my breath) What could possibly be in the dossier that linked the man upstairs sawing trumpets in half with the mass murder of a whole village? Ernest Ci6 Thinking : My interest in the trumpet slaying grew into an obsession. What makes a trumpet player with such a talent kill a whole village on that scale? F
I perused the papers, the headlines, for a break. I just needed a break. Wilkinson had pointed me to the Sitzawly family. For seven generations the Sitzawly family had dominated the trumpet world. All we had for a clue was free concerts, or was that 3 concerts? And yes, something about that family made me feel uncomfortable, but I just couldn't, or wouldn't, put my finger on it. All I knew was something stank, and just didn't sit right! Any News? No sorry, he keeps saying it was free, but does he mean three?! Ok well keep me posted - and those sausage rolls you ordered? What was that all about? Sorry - I know, they were sausage in a roll.... not sausage rolls... were they free? No 7....
Sgt Hobs : Well let's just start with the facts Wilkinson. When you got to the school music room what did you see?
Constable Wilkinson : What everything? You want me to tell you everything I saw? ....Door Opens Desk Sergent : Excuse me sir, I have orders to terminate this interview - could you both vacate the briefing room. Sgt Hobs : This is outrageous who has sanctioned this? I Have! Allow me to introduce myself, Super Chief over inspector of CI6! Frank Smith. Later..... Frank : I want all the heads in on this one, even the big ones, I want the truth! Later more .. Frank : Wilkinson your sharp, in fact years ago your name was on one of the worlds finest blades. I'm going to be Frank with you - Wilkinson : Thank you sir.. Frank : You are the key, you knew the boy, you knew his dad, you knew his granddad. Wilkinson : I did Frank, well I knew him and I knew his dad. I knew his grandma more than I knew his Granddad though...sorry can I call you Frank? Frank : For now. Wilkinson : Ok, well Frank, you have to remember that this was the creme de la creme of.. Frank : I'm sorry What? cream what? Wilkinson : Ok, well Frank, you have to remember that this was the best of the best as far as trumpet playing went. What this family did with trumpets could make your eyes water! Frank: That bad eh? Wilkinson : No Frank, they were the envy of every brass instrument player in the known world! Frank : So what are you saying? Door Opens Frank : Ernest! Thank God your alive! Ernest : Hello Sir, sorry I'm late, I had a bit of trouble with Morriartinette at Niagara Falls and I came in on the Edgeware Road instead of the North Circ then the A1 under suicide bridge - But justice prevailed. I'm up to speed on this trumpet case sir may I? Frank : Please do Detective special CI6 Ernest. wait..... Ernest : WHAT's that sound? Clear the room, Wait....Wait.... Hi Mum/Dad this is unexpected, come in...
Mum & Dad : We were pricing up a full boiler swap near hhere, state of the art combi - with full remote emotional package...so your dad - WE Thought/felt We should call in... Glad you did, you've got matching boiler suits on, they look nice. Do you both want a cup of tea? Mum to Dad : (shut your mouth!) Mum & Dad : Please, yes please milk 3 sugars.. Mum (looking @ Dad) : You like our suits I heard? Sorry mum what? You like our suits I heard? minutes....... There you are.. : You've got hard water, very hard, did you warm the pot? What did you say mum? You've got hard water, very hard, did you warm the pot? Yes I always warm the pot, and the tea is supposed to be for hard water mum.. Did you let it mash? (you little prick- under his breath) You what dad? Did you let it mash? Son? Oh yeah, I always let it mash...well brew, they say brew here... Mum: It's got a funny taste... Dad: It's hard water - and it's not been mashed. Dad : Can you hear that boiler? Mum : It's the rads...not the boiler.. Dad : Could be the rads... Mum : It is the rads! Dad : I think it's the rads.. What about the boiler? What are rads? Mum & Dad : Radiators! Mum : Right, I've got my bleeding key, Dad : So have I! Mum : I'll start at the one furthest from the boiler John, and we'll work over and over.. Dad : Right.. No STOP! Please Stop! - The radiators are fine, please It's nothing, I really don't want you to start doing plumbing! Mum & Dad : Won't take long... NO STOP! PLEASE! IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK..! IT'S THE MAN... IT'S THE MAN UPSTAIRS!! Mum & Dad : What about the man upstairs? What does he do? What does the man upstairs do?! OK! - JESUS CHRIST! He Saws Trumpets in Half! OK! He SAWS Trumpets in half - There, now I've said it! sometimes! He ..sometimes..saws .. Oh for the love of Christ! please - please - can we just leave it.. Knock - Knock -Ring - Ring - waits - door opens -
Hello - Oh hello I'm from the Islington Council Music and Concert Department, I understand you were cut off whilst trying to plan a brass band concert on Islington Green? I'm sorry, What? Oh hello I'm from the Islington Council Music and Concert Department, I understand you were cut off whilst trying to plan a brass band concert on Islington Green? - You were cut off and we don't take this sort of thing lightly. Oh - No I did call up to complain about the man upstairs who was sawing a trumpet in half, but he's stopped doing it now. I'm sorry, What? Oh - No I did call up to complain about the man upstairs who was sawing a trumpet in half, but he's stopped doing it now. Are you sure it was a trumpet? No, not at the time but I found out for sure it was later, I saw the two half's of the trumpet casually discarded locally. Right well we'll leave it at that then, no harm done. Just be a little bit clearer when your organising anything in the future - Dick Wod! Hello Islington Council anti social behaviour department can I help?
Yes Well I Don't know, I've moved into a flat and the man upstairs has started to saw a trumpet in half. I'm sorry, did you say the man upstairs is playing the trumpet too loud? No I said he's sawing it in half! Ok, I'm going to put you on hold. Are you sure it's a trumpet? No I'm not sure it's a trumpet, but it's definitely from the brass section. Ok I'm going to transfer you to our music and concert department, could you hold the line. No! I don't want the .. Hello Islington music and concert department how can we help? Oh hello< I think their has been a mix up, the man upstairs is sawing a trumpet in half and I want to report him! Is it part of a bigger act? No it's...hello- hello - PM
Hi - why are you waiting by the door? Your back from work aren't you? Do you love me? You know I do, have you been waiting here all day? We love each other don't we? And we love Ken, are we going to see Ken together now? Yes we love each other, and yes lets go and see Ken together. You want to go now don't you? Sometimes we sit at the back of the bus don't we? But you don't like sitting upstairs do you? I've got my own ticket now - do you love me? Will Ken be ok? Ken is in hospital, you know I have no idea why? Don't you? Even in the day we don't sit upstairs do we? Do people fight upstairs? Even in the day? Do you love Ken? I love Ken, but we don't know why he's in hospital do we? We all love each other though don't we, are we near the hospital, can I ring the bell? Sometimes I wake you up very early with a cuppa tea don't I - Yes you do, and yes ring the bell we're at The Whittington - come on - Hello we're here to visit a friend he's been admitted, we think he's been here for a week now - Whats his name? Ken! His name is Ken - Has he got another name? No just Ken, we love him, and we love each other, we came to see Ken together - Can you do anything with just Ken? Well I think you may be in luck, their is only 1 Ken in the hospital, but he's in intensive care, are you family? Yes! we love him as well, where is he? Take the elevator to floor 6 and follow the red line, this will take you to intensive care reception. Thank you so much - I love you, I don't like lifts though do I? Where's Ken? On The 6th floor Do you love me? Yes!Yes I love you! But when! When did you stop liking lifts though? You like lifts! - AM
Are you awake...Are you awake? Got you a cup of tea... What time is it? Do you love me? Yes I love you We love each other don't we? Yes we love each other, What time is it?! About half 5... Fuck Off! PM Your back from work then.....I made you a cup of tea this morning not too early didn't I, we love each other don't we? Are we going to see Ken together soon? Yes- and Yes- you did.. and yes we should go and see Ken together.. soon.. We love each other don't we? And we love Ken don't we? Yes we love each other...and yes we love Ken, and yes we'll both go and see him Soon..... |