The Adventure of : 'Writing A Lie and Camping with Tara' A never been told before story of things going wrong!? names changed to protect those concerned
The story I am about to tell you has never been told before. Except for the individuals involved whose identity will be protected by the use of false names, no-one alive past or present knows of this tale.
Tara and myself were around six months into our relationship when thoughts of a Holliday popped into my head. It just popped right in there. I knew that she had some ‘leave’ on the second week of August, so I casually mentioned the idea of us getting away for a few days. Her face lit up like a Christmas tree, I was glad.
I remembered holidays of girlfriends past, and had booked a pitch on a campsite right on the cliffs in Cornwall, I’m a very good camper. I imagined me as always waking up and lighting the stove to make Tara her skinny coffee Machilatiati with scrambled eggs and salmon on crisp bread. Lots of cuddles before we walked the 12 beautiful scenic miles along the coast to Bedruthin Steps. Stopping for a cuppa tea from my flask, and a skinny coffee Machilatiati from hers.
Right, fail to prepare, prepare to fail, first thing was to get the car serviced.
With preparations almost complete, tent and camping equipment already packed into my recently service Citroen BX Estate, I thought it was time to let my beloved Tara in on the details of our first holiday together.
I had planned to set off for Cornwall on the 7th of August, which was a Sunday. I figured it might be a good day to travel as most of the population of London would be in church until 1…
I had told Tara about the camping trip on the 1st, and, just doing the maths… right yes I had told her about the romantic lovely camping trip on the 1st and she started talking to me again on the 6th. So what’s that 4/5 days?
On the second day of TS (Tara silence) I had a glimmer of hope in the shape of a note, positioned by the kettle which was a default agreed position for notes we sent each other. Tara had read up on camping and discovered Glamping.
“Is it Glamping?” Read the note, smelling gloriously of ‘Agent Provocateur’.
I chased around the flat looking for a pen with which to reply, nothing, ah there, & turning over an unwanted envelope I paused for a second to lie/think…!
Yes of course it’s Glamping Tara!, I wrote, speak later, love you, I lied. I had never written a lie before, it’s just the same as speaking one only you leave material evidence of the lie behind. To use against you! Exhibit 1 an envelope from Mastercard containing a late payment notice with an incriminating lie written by the accused on the back!
After several conditions imposed by Tara were met by me, after numerous trips to decathlon for items Including a separate dressing tent, double king biggest mattress deluxe, oh a portable generator (Honda off Ebay) and an electric heater with a timer.
The day of our departure arrived. I have never seen anyone ever take so much stuff camping, and that included Captain Scott on the race to the Pole! Even the indigenous nomads of where he had the golden eagle & went hunting hares with them on TV! My Mum even!
My poor car was ridiculously full, & I prayed that the engineers at Citroen had bargained on Glamping with Tara when they developed the hydropneumatique suspension on the BX. Knowing the French that could have been one of the design criteria, like the eggs in the 2CV! The new Citroen Glamping with Tara?
Anyway, on top of my car load issues, Tara, my girlfriend and camping holiday companion was looking forward to this trip on a similar par to an emergency dentist visit.
However, not once since this idea just popped into my head, it just popped right in there, did I ever think that it was a bad one. Until we set off.