Anchors and Chains...
Today has been horrible. I was north ready to see Dad when Jo's text arrived. We always text each other when we're apart. First thing.
Today I was so sleepy I didn't read it straight away. So when I did read it.... What bomb?
I was watching Better Call Saul the night before....missed news...
The news didn't sink in... I had to see my Dad in hospital before I set of back for London. They had told my mum that they didn't know if he was understanding words....
Bollocks...I know my Dad as he reacted to my news...about the bomb...about mum wanting to pee gravel the side of the house....that's what the doc must have told him....
I know he's in there still....Love him.
Then the radio on the motorway... more news about the bomb in Manchester. I cried down the M1.
When I got in I had a phrase in my head... Anchors and Chains.... I don't know where it came from...I think it started off .... well
Big Cuddle All ..... pauliepaul xxx
Booze & Personal Stuff..
Jo's mum rushed into intensive care puts things into perspective... After days of visiting her mum I managed to drag Jo and Daisy away to Hop Farm for camping in ELBY van .... the thing I love most in life is making breakfast for Jo and Daisy in a field as we camp with our van..
Starting to lose a bit of my Belly even though I haven't cut out the booze. Just simple changes now although I did a carb free 24 hours - that included booze.. I was going for another day but felt so tired at the office I could have slept! I decided to send out for a chocolate snack with nuts in. Not naming because I didn't check for palm oil I just devoured it! I was looking for the wrapper afterward to check for palm oil but I couldn't find it! I have 2 conclusions 1/ my alter ego surfaced and destroyed the wrapper for as yet unknown reasons...or 2/ I ate the bar - wrapper and all in a carb frenzy?!
The guilt I felt was enormous but I held steadfast and avoided carbs for the rest of the day/eve. (apart from a few glasses of wine)
The next morning my wife Jo ordered breakfast from a cafe for me her and Daisy as a treat....
Now the war opened up on 2 fronts...1/carbs and 2/ meat
The toast and the sausage became for an instant my reason for living... then without warning bacon!
Sheepishly I picked up my plate leaving behind the toast and the bacon. I am not proud of the fact that a lot of my close friends and loved ones are aware of my addiction to sausages, a genetic weakness on my fathers side.
I had been clean for about a month, but something snapped and I broke.
Soon after I went back for a slice of toast and then for a rasher of bacon.
I bounced back the following day and decided that eating a minimal amount of carbs, for example 1 slice of toast with my scrambled eggs - was the way forward. This has worked and apart from fish I have also resisted meat.
I've realised that food can be a trap, and ind if you don't respect it's power it will take over your body! Carbs in particular are very powerful, the moment you have eaten them they message your brain to think of more, then more...
I view carbs as a treat now, I have to because I'm 53 and 5'8 - my weight can escalate very fast!
Keep you posted - pp
Hang on.... I just bought some I'll be honest....pp x
Back later on this....
Well I seem to have slipped back into my old pattern. Not as bad but bad enough for me to do a dry June. 🥃😡